Updated on February 26th, 2022 from Austin, Texas.
It’s now been almost two months since Sammy and I have been in the new house. We have Internet and utilities all up and running. We have desks, a fridge, and a washer and dryer.
Getting all this set up felt like such a pain just a month and a half back.
The Internet people had to come three times—always a different thing wrong—and I worked out of the library for a week. Then when we finally got Internet we worked sitting on the floor since we had no desks.
We only ate pasta for a while since we had no fridge. All of the utilities charged ridiculous installation fees for flipping a switch—they didn’t even need to send someone out here.
Yet all these worries from such a short time back, worries that caused me much stress and anxiety, are now so small and distant.
I have to constantly remind myself that all is well, that this too shall pass. Without being unkind or critical or dismissive, I need to put my worries in their right frame and remind myself how small and petty they are when looked at from the briefest distance.
Only two weeks to the wedding. How insane is that? The finances and planning of the event have been stressful, but the day itself will be great. I owe it to Sammy who’s a ray of sunshine.
How does one justify spending $20,000 in one night when a part-time worker—20 hours a week—making $19 an hour won’t make this much in a year?
Like always, I’m trying to figure out what I want, running towards it in haphazard sprints, getting distracted by shiny objects in my periphery, and realizing that maybe this wasn’t what I wanted at all.
I’m trying to be more mindful, less anxious and tense.
Reading and writing—a yin and yang of learning and creating—are my two passions. Within writing I include coding, which despite my desire to think in terms of wood and hammer and nails—concrete items—instead of in bits and bytes, always pulls me back in.
What do I do with these passions? Are they a hobby or a “career”? Am I any good? How do I work them for maximum benefit (personal benefit, that is, not necessarily financial)?
I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
We’re all just trying to find our way.